Whilst on Moonpig in the fruitless search for the perfect birthday card for Martin I found the sickliest thing:
I mean - observe. Look at the state of it. Whats wrong with this picture? Any man who thinks this is a great gift should be shot for crimes of unoriginality and being too feeble for words. I hate hearts, pink and red roses and this montrosity of all of these at once is offensive to me. I think yellow roses are so much nicer. Rant over - thank you very much for your time
This on the other hand is a lot better:
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